i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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