bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
