i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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