just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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