I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
