Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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