you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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