I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
