I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
