Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
