god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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