Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
