I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
