i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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