I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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