I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
