I looked at my own cervix.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
