My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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