My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize