she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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