dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
