eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I could make wine with my vomit
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
