Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
