sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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