And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I lost the right to judge tonight
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
