Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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