i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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