Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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