my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
