She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
