I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My butt remains clenched, sir.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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