Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
