i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
