dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
