I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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