I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
