you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Green mimosas i think yes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
