he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
