I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
