I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
