Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
