her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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