I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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