There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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