Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
