her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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