The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
