My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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