you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
