So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
