Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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