True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
