Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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