Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
