i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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