5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
