I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
