i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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