2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
