I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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