ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
