I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
