new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
