New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
