Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So much Jack, so little girl.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
