Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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